For Amber

I wrote this about my daughter who is probably responsible for me becoming a loving and giving person and certainly a much better citizen of the world.

What would I have been without you?
Who would I have been?
I would have certainly been more free
To go where I wanted,
To do what I wanted.
But would I have been better,
Would I have really been free?
I had so many demons
So much selfishness.
I was so inwardly turned and
So self pitying,
So filled with shame
How could I have survived being me
Without you?

Oh yes, the self pity grew
When you first came.
What did I do to deserve this?
My God, a handicapped child,
How could I live with this?
But you were you,
Very persistent with your magic.
The way you loved me
Taught me to love everyone,
Even me.
You made me more
Than I could have ever been
Without you.

Sure, maybe I would have done many things.
Things that I thought were important
If I hadn't been your mother.
I might have been a really good writer
Except with my shallowness
I would have had nothing to say.
I could have been almost anything,
But I lacked the spirit to even try
Until you.
I couldn't fight for my own place in the world
Until I had to fight for the world to accept you.
I might never have learned the really important things
Had I not been forced to learn them by you.

Yes, I think what might I have been
Where might I have gone
What might I have done?
Sometimes it scares me to think about it.
I suspect I would have been much less
Because without you
I couldn't be me.
I thank God for sending me a teacher.